Whew, let me tell you.  That was an AWESOME two weeks off of chemo.  But, I did have to go back on Friday to start my 14-day cycle again.  During my 14 days off, I pretty much started to feel normal again.  My appetite calmed down, the chemobrain went away within a couple days (for the most part), and my night sweats stopped!  Yup, that’s right.  They straight up stopped.  I think it was the Prednisone doing it, we’ll see if I start having them again during this go-round.

I was excited to have Jan, my very first chemo nurse, again.  As with the other nurses to this point, this was her first time giving me the Nitrogen Mustard. Continue Reading »

As Told By: Brandi | Written on August 3, 2008 | Posted in the The Chemo Chronicles catagory.
There are 3 Responses to “The Chemo Chronicles - 8.1.08”

And So It Is…

Hi.  I’m Brandi.  I am the owner of this blog.

I have been putting off this post now for…5 months.  I know it’s not fair.  I had such a following.  So many people that read, because they cared - because they were concerned.  I had so many people that actually gave a damn.  While this was once my outlet, this because my prison.  Lymphoma became my prison.

I could no longer break free of it’s torment.  I could no longer prove that I was stronger than it.  I came to realize that I only had hope and the grace of God.  But that was only if “it was in his will”.  I became very bitter.  And I think I still am in a lot of ways.  I was positive for so long.  I fought - and I fought - and I fought.  But fight no longer I could.  I gave in, with only hoping I would make it through.

Well, luck (?) or God’s will was in my favor.  At least so far.  Here is the breakdown:

• November 7th.  Hospitalized for almost a week.  6 mos of chemo finally broke me down.  I required 2 units of blood and was in the hospital under neutropenic precautions because I had an infection.  To this day, we have never identified what infection I had.  I just had one.  The charge nurse had to fight for my life that night.  She thought I was crashing.  Thank you, Lois.  I owe you my life.  :)  I took my last dose of chemo 2 days before.  Thank God, there is no more prednisone.
• The beginning of Decemeber I started my 3 and a half week cycle of radiation.  Everyday, 5 days a week.  Over 3000 rads.  My last day was New Year’s Eve - I tried to celebrate.  I fell asleep before 11.  I still have the burnt skin to remind me of it, over 2 months later.
• My finances are in shambles.  My mental health is far from stable.  I don’t know how to truly appreciate life.  Should I be thankful for what I have now, or dismayed for what I’ve endured.  I flip back and forth.
• My onc says I’m addicted to pain pills.  Doesn’t want to give me more, but I hurt.  Badly.  Been over a month without them, and I’m not fiending - just hurting.  That doesn’t scream addiction to me.
• On the positive side, I have quit smoking.  Yes, I know.  You are disappointed in me - you never knew I smoked.  But I did.  But I have been tobacco free for 2 weeks 6 days 15 hrs and 13 minutes.  I am free.

I see Dr. Clark again next month.  This will be my first PET scan.  I had a CT about a month and a half ago.  He said no new growth - only the scarring that was already there from the tumors.  The PET will show if anything is active.  Right now I am officially in remission.  I think that is good.

I did have one night sweat, but I am hoping that it was only too hot in the house.  I am not losing weight.  That would be a blessing right now.  Everyone said I would lose the prednisone weight.  I’m still weighting for that to happed - 60 pounds heavier now, and nothing to wear.

So for now I am just bitter.  I stay to myself.  I really don’t chat much.  And I let no one inside.  I don’t know if it’s safe yet - or if that will only hurt people further if I have to leave.  Which, I pray I don’t.  Thank you for your continued support, prayers, empathy and thoughts.

I will update again soon.  I only owe it to you.  To the ones that care.

As Told By: Brandi | Written on March 6, 2009 | Posted in the Feature, Progress catagory.
There are 4 Responses to “And So It Is…”

My Day At The Zoo…Well, ER.

Oooh, what a fun day.  My daughter had a sleep over at the YMCA last night, and needed me to pick her up this morning.  I was glad to have her back, and also very anxious to get back home and get back to sleep as I have been up since 4 AM this morning.  Ugh.

Well, I’ve mentioned the neuropathy thing in the past.  Quite a few times I know.  I think I have also mentioned that has caused me to fall the past couple weeks.  It comes out of nowhere, and my legs just turn to jello.  They just melt beneath me.  Well, I guess my neuropathy decided to kick in again this morning.  Out of nowhere, was doing JUST DANDY, when my legs gave, then I fell off the curb, then down to the asphalt.  Bad thing is, the parking lot was not nice and clean, all pitted with rocks and gravel everywhere.  Was quite bad.  I couldn’t even get up for a couple minutes.  It hurt so badly.  I just layed there on the ground unable to get up.  The “adult lady” at the Y eventually helped me up and I cried hysterically all the way home.  Continue Reading »

As Told By: Brandi | Written on September 27, 2008 | Posted in the Feature, One Life To Live catagory.
There are 4 Responses to “My Day At The Zoo…Well, ER.”