T - Minus 3 Days…

I had my chemo last Thursday, the day before Independence Day.  I was in bed all weekend, minus my 2am kitchen cleaning surge and the little bit I was able to stay out of bed to clean my room on Saturday.

Last Thursday was my first ever injection of the mustard.  It was okay, but I think it took a bigger toll on me than anything else has to this point.  I’ve experienced chemobrain super early this time, it usually takes a few days, I noticed effects as early as Friday afternoon. My indigestion bothered more than it had before too - I was taking ranitidine even twice a day with tums and that didn’t curb it a bit.  But I have yet to be nauceous and sick so I can’t complain too badly.

The one thing I am hating though in this MOPP regimen is the prednisone.  It is severely kicking my butt.  It’s hard enough to take in the first place, for anyone that has had to take it knows.  It starts to dissolve as soon as it hits liquid, and it has a horrible, wretched, nasty, terrible, (can’t think of anymore adjectives right now) bitter taste.  If I take it like you take a regular pill then I start to gag, and can’t get past all 3 that I have to take.  I have had to resolve (right word?) to dissolving all 3 in an ounce or so of kool-aid, and shoot it like a shot.  Taste nothing like Jager, but I can imagine, right?  The prednisone has made me completely blow up too.  I gained 7 pounds just today.  The last time I took it, I had some weight gain, most likely due to water retention, but it wasn’t this severe.  The last cycle, I called the on-call doctor, who ended up being my own onc, but he said that we might have to look into giving me a water pill.  I think it might be necessary.

I put on the same jeans I was wearing last night, was struggling to get them fastened…Doing the whole, lay on the bed, breathe in as deep as I can, whilst trying to suck in all I can cherade.  Finally got them buttoned and as soon as I stood up, off popped the button.  What the hell?!  The jeans fit last night.  And today the stupid button pops off.  I think the water retention is causing pain too.  The past couple days I have been waking up with extremely sore feet.  Each step I took, it felt like my bones were shattering.  Now I am feeling pain in my legs, hips and shoulders.  I thought of calling the onc on-call again tonight, but nothing can really be done about it tonight anyhow.  I will just try to pee as much as possible through the night - always fun trying to stumble to the bathroom 5 times a night under the influence of temazepam - but that way maybe I can rid myself of some of this liquid.

The diet is getting hard too.  This has been extremely hard, as I am one of those people that, when denied access, I want it more.  The diet with the procarbazine is so strict - I will type up the diet one day when I have more give-a-crapness, but it’s harder everyday.  A few things are no chocolate, no alcohol, no cheese, nothing aged, nothing, nothing, nothing…  It follows the diet that one on an MAO Inhibitor has to follow.  Now I don’t know much about MAOI’s, other than I gather it’s some type of anti-depressant, but it’s the one you see on all the pill bottles, “Do not take if you are taking an MAO Inhibitor”.  I can’t even take cold medicine while on this.  Well, when I first started taking it, I had a list of foods banned for the MAOI, which is a little more strict than mine.  On that list I kept reading no cola.  So, I avoided coke - which is pure dread for me right there.  (I have to have my coke!)  But then, I got a diet made specifically for procarbazine, which doesn’t restrict coke per se, but says little/no caffeine.  Well, during the original stretch of coke-restriction, I had had a couple of Mt. Dews, with no adverse effects.  And I have had root beer, which I had assumed had cola, due to the dark cola look to it, with no adverse effects.  And, well, since my new diet doesn’t say anything about coke, I thought to give it a shot.  I had two small styrofoam glasses, which was a terrible idea.  I didn’t get “sick” sick, but I was feeling it.  My face got beet red within a few minutes and my pulse raced for about 4 hrs.  I guess the coke is a bad idea.  (yes, I realized I haven’t been capitalizing coke, but I really don’t care tonight…sorry)  So today I stuck to my root beer and I have been fine.

I tried a little bit of cookies n cream ice cream tonight and I have been fine.  That has chocolate, which is prohibited - why can’t I handle coke?  I have found myself following more or less of an Adkin’s diet.  Not on purpose, it’s just that I know I can have meat…As long as it isn’t aged.  Sigh.  This is really bothering me right now.  I was some sourkraut right now, can’t have it.  I want a banana split - nope.  I want a Butterfinger, no chance in hell.  I want a cigarette…And well, I need to not have that either.

I guess there is a time when we all have to grow up and start taking care of ourselves.  Maybe if I had done that sooner, I wouldn’t be in this predicament in the first place, but I guess hindsight is 20/20, right?  But I guess the day comes for everyone where we have to realize that that Big Mac we used to be able to eat twice a week with an extra-large Dr. Pepper, whilst having ice cream everynight, with a cigarette or 8, before having 2 rums with coke while sitting on the couch enjoying TV and not exercising, doesn’t work anymore.  It seems everything is maintenance.  You have to eat this and this, avoid this and that, exercise x amount of times each week…When does it stop?  Why can’t I just live and be happy with the things that make me happy - why is there maintenance?

So enough of me having my pity party.  I think I pretty much typed myself through most of it.  I might stop over on the Hodge Forum and see if there is anyone that wants to offer up any insight, or suggest something I haven’t thought about yet, and freaks me out while I obsess over it until I see my onc again.  Speaking of which, the Hodge Board has me worrying now that my MOPP treatment is inferior and that I am going to relapse if I even get better at all.  And that it won’t work and I need a second opinion about all of this, and I am just destined for a stem cell transplant regardless of all the chemo I am on anyhow.  Sigh.  I am signing off for now, off to Hodge Land, until my temazepam kicks in 4 hours from now.

Oh, and only 3 more days until my next chemo treatment, and only 10 more days of chemo pills then I get a two-week break…  yeehaw.