This is why I don’t sleep…

I just awoke from a dream.

I was given a couple days to live.  They were able to give me some sort of something that would keep me strong enough the last couple days to not “feel the effects” of dying, but ultimately regardless of what happened, taking this stuff would guarantee that I wouldn’t make it past these couple days, it would destroy my body beyond compare.

I made it around to see everyone, for some reason it was my quest to make sure everyone got to see me.  I felt like it was some sort of responsibility of mine.

I wore a simple pair of blue jeans and a white v-neck shirt.  I was skinny again.

I was reaching my time - it was about time for me to go.  I was with my mom and my Grandma Jean in some white boxy 4-dr from the 80s.  For some reason we were speeding down Riverside Drive in Dayton, Ohio, toward downtown. Grandma Jean was driving somewhat erratically while blaring some Beatles song on the radio.  I could hear her and my mom sing, but for some reason you could only hear the music through the back speakers - not the vocals and it was clouded.  The sound was very clouded.  I remember wondering if she knew that the back speakers didn’t broadcast the vocals.  I figured probably not, as she is always in the front seat driving, never in the back.

I looked out the back window, hearing sirens, and saw an ambulance rush to where my house was - they were looking for me, it was my time.  Maybe I was trying to escape them.

Cut to a room with a lot of people with cots on the floor.  Almost what you would see for a relief area after a natural disaster.  I was going to lie down on the cot.  I was afraid to sleep, but couldn’t avoid the sleep any longer.  My body seemed to be doing good, and I regretted taking that medicine - as maybe I had a chance, but since I took that medicine to ease the dying, I was sure to die anyhow.

I was scared and trying to fight the sleep, but couldn’t.  I was so tired, and everyone was encouraging me to sleep, knowing that I wouldn’t wake up from it.  The last thing I remember thinking was, “Please, God, let me wake up.” and drifted off.

And then I woke up in real life.  God, I’m so frickin’ scared.